Recently my coach challenged me to write a blog post from the point of view of my higher self telling the self-that-walks-around-in-daily-life what I should keep in mind before I start my journey. (My "higher self" is the most compassionate, loving, authentic version of myself. For those of you familiar with the His Dark Materials trilogy, I think of my higher self as my daemon).
So here we go:
Dearest Iimay,
It is okay to not know for sure where this journey will lead you, and to live your way to the answers. I know part of the reason why you are going is because you remember your uncle and aunts and cousins in Taiwan, their unconditional love and care for you, and the home they made for you. They are a shelter, but they do not know you for all that you are. Remember that though their love will be genuine and nourishing, it will not fill the holes in you created by the family you were born into. Enjoy your relatives for who they are; do not wish them to be anything else.
Remember that it's okay to not have everything planned or under control. You have done all you can to prepare, and you will forget and lose things, pay more than you wanted, miss buses and trains, and run late, and the things you hoped would be incredible will let you down. But that's okay. Travel and adventure is not about smooth logistics; you are not responsible for ensuring someone else's good time. This is your time to be spontaneous, figure it out as you go along, and be open to whatever happens. Let go.
Trust your friend. This a journey of a lifetime, and you have the great fortune of spending it with someone who loves you dearly. He will take care of you, keep you company, get you into mishaps and wild adventures, get you out of trouble, listen, laugh, and share with you. When you are tired, hot, cranky, or hungry, remember that you are not alone, that whatever happens, the most important thing is that you are experiencing it together.
Be mindful of your feelings. If you are sad, do not push it away because you're "supposed to" be feeling something else. Your journey will be thrilling, wonderful, happy, and fulfilling, but also frustrating, lonely, scary, and exhausting. Let yourself experience your whole range of emotions; there is no wrong way to feel.
It's okay to miss your friends, partner, and family back home, but do not spend your short time away wishing you could be back. I know you are afraid that things will change without you, that if you are not as present as you have been in your close relationships that people will go away. But those who love you are not going anywhere. They are keeping you in their thoughts and wishing you well. They want you to have a full of an experience as possible, and you cannot do that unless you are present. Do not dwell in worry and anxiety about their well-being or in feelings of guilt about how you aren't contacting them enough. They will be there for you when you return, no matter what.
Don't put pressure on yourself to accomplish things, to tear through your itinerary like a to-do list, to measure your trip by tours and temples and sites. Your trip is not a problem to be solved. Let yourself say no, change plans, change your mind, miss seeing the "must-sees." Let yourself sleep in, rest, and take it slow.
Listen to yourself. Keep up your practice. Breathe. Stay in your body. Be at peace with uncertainty. Remember the clear, calm, and vivid sky between clouds of anxiety and doubt. Eat everything, take risks, be silly and kind and loving.
Everything will be all right.
I love you.
this letter is made of love and awesome! i hope you return to it again and again when you need to and even when you don't, just to remind yourself that you are still practicing self-care.
ReplyDeletei like how you set realistic expectations for this trip and give yourself room to feel however it is you are going to feel without judgment. it seems like that is a very healthy way to approach something that will be both amazing and frustrating, as trips tend to be. because we make them what they are, they are just as real and human as us. it's good to keep that in mind as you bumble along.
p.s. you should also give yourself permission to not eat everything...just saying ; ).